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Joke of the Day

"What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time? I am not a cook"

"What did the slice of pork say to the attractive woman.... ....you may be hot, but I'm bacon!!!"

"The platypus has to be the WEIRDEST looking animal I've ever gotten pregnant."

"It's cute how alcohol comes in a paper bag so when you hit rock bottom you have something to hyperventilate into."

"People say I'm a stand up guy.. ....but I prefer to sit down when I can. Good morning everyone!"

"There should be only one World's Greatest Dad shirt. And you should have to kill the previous owner to wear it."

"Right now the owner of Men's Health magazine is beating an editor who forgot to include the phrase 'rock-hard abs' on this month's cover."

"Two cannibals were eating a clown One looks at the other and says ""Hey does this taste funny to you?"""

"A man buys condoms at a drugstore ... The cashier asks ""You need a bag with this?"" and the man answers ""No! She's not *that* ugly!""."

"My husband just went 69 mph in a 50 zone just so he could point at the speedometer and wink at me. 15 years and going strong."