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Joke of the Day
"The platypus has to be the WEIRDEST looking animal I've ever gotten pregnant."
Next Joke
"What does a dyslexic zombie say? Brian's ... Briiiiiiiiian's!!!"
"Yesterday I bought an expensive but poorly made tie... I think my ascot ripped off!"
"Bath time without my phone: 10 minutes Bath time with my phone: 45 minutes 75 retweets 1 wrinkly baby"
"I tried publishing my novel... in which I stress the danger of global warming by describing my experience battling encroaching fire ant colonies. Every publisher called it ant-I-climatic."
"did you hear about the clumsy musician who tried gardening? he dropped the beet"
"What Do Bernie Sander Supporters Call Their Parents? Roommates"
"Joke: Where did AT&T get their 2007 slogan? Ireland: More bars in more places"
"Who came after Augustus? Septembrus"
"Me: WHAT DO WE WANT?! Him: ""Nothing. I'm good."" WHEN DO WE WANT IT? ""Seriously, knock it off."" I GOT A NEW BULLHORN! ""I can see that.."