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Joke of the Day

"What's green and sits on the porch? Paddy O'Furniture. Happy St. Patrick's Day!"

"How did the farmer move his cows? In a mooving van!"

"After nine years of being together, I finally got down on one knee. And begged her to take it up the arse."

"I know that as parent you're supposed to listen to your kids but most of what they say is such horseshit"

"Why is reddit called reddit Because everyone keeps reposting the same stuff."

"What did the U.S airdrop the the children of Syria? Dead parents"

"What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with? A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush."

"Accidentally shoved a girl I didn't like to the left in the grocery store thinking I was on Tinder."

"Her: baby can you come up here and play with me? Me: *sprints up stairs Her: I'm kidding. Can you hand me the remote? Me: this is so us"

"I broke up with my girlfriend because I'm pretty religious I'm a Presbyterian, and she was Satan"