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Joke of the Day

"I broke up with my girlfriend because I'm pretty religious I'm a Presbyterian, and she was Satan"

"Illegal immigrants can never get a cold drink. They don't want to be anywhere near ICE."

"What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? Married."

"What's red and has seven dents in it? Snow whites cherry."

"The nun got pregnant at the Church's Halloween party. I told her not to dress up as an altar boy..."

"Me- ""Sorry I can't"" Friend- ""Why not?"" M- ""Working on my book"" F- ""Neato! What about?"" M- ""It's a collection of ways to escape obligations"""

"what's grey and comes in quarts? an elephant"

"What do you call an Internet mystery? An e-nigma."

"""Girl, your rhinestone encrusted flip phone tricked me into thinking you were a princess!"" - No one ever"

"One time I was really high and attempted to flush my foot down the toilet. There was no Twitter then, so I'm telling you now."