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Joke of the Day

"My friends holds her breath driving past cemeteries cause of superstition but I thought she just didn't want to be cocky about breathing"

"Why would OP make a terrible pizza chain? Because they don't deliver."

"I accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 4."

"Rise and shine to all the beautiful women of the world. Ugly women, don't get greedy, go back to sleep, your time is coming, at night."

"I've Just Set Up a Brothel At Sea for Horny Sailors... business is generally good, but clients tend come in large waves."

"The first ten years of a girls life is spent playing with barbies. The next ten years is spent trying to look like one."

"WHAT is Bruce Lee's favorite drink? WAH TAHH!!!!"

"I had to grease a lot of palms to get to where I am today *cut to me oiling up tropical trees* haha excellent"

"Did you hear about the insomniac, dyslexic, obsessive compulsive butcher? He used to lay in bed at night worrying about why he constantly weighed a steak."

"*leads horse to water* ""You're not gonna drink, are you?"" *horse neighs* ""It's The Fountain of Eternal Youth."" Horse: You're not foaling me."