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Joke of the Day
"Do you know what's really tiring../? ... being awake."
Next Joke
"If two people had a race and one had sand in his shoe but the other did not, who would win? The one with sand in his shoe -- if it was quicksand."
"hey girls if you sleep with a guy then tell them you're pregnant they'll give you a bunch of money for an abortion I have like 50 cars"
"Little girl: ""Grandma, make a noise like a frog."" Grandma: ""Why?"" Little girl: ""Cause daddy says we'll make a lot of money when you croak."""
"The world has gotten so politically correct that I don't know what is appropriate to throw at a crying baby in a restaurant anymore."
"HUSBAND 911: what your emergency? ME: my wife hears everything HUSBAND 911: do I? ME: what? HUSBAND 911: what?"
"my thoughts and prayers go out to anyone at ComicCon attending a live taping of a podcast"
"How many nymphomaniacs does it take to screw in a light-bulb? As many as will fit."
"damn girl are you a mouse because your body is decomposing in my drywall"
"'Escalator' is what He-Man's enemy is called in Spain."