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Joke of the Day
"How do you measure how sad someone is? With a blues scale"
Next Joke
"Since we're talking about Vampire jokes, here's my favorite. What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month..."
"""Give it to me,"" my girlfriend yelled. ""I'm so fucking wet, give it to me now!"" She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella"
"Kanye West agreed to play Santa Claus under the condition that children had to ask him what he wanted for Christmas."
"[at a farm] Dairy cow: Oooh that tickles Sheep: Look I got a new ""hairdo"" Chicken: Cool I didn't want to know any of my children anyway"
"A boy asks his mom, ""Why am I black and you're white?"" She says, ""Don't even go there. The way that party went, you're lucky you don't bark"""
"The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
"Don't make me use UPPERCASE."
"You gotta admit that humans are the ultimate #1 lifeform because we're essentially half mermaid but we also have legs for kicking and stuff."
"What is a homeless man's favorite type of music? House music"