182693

Joke of the Day

"Conspiracy theorists, I hope you're right... I hope the illuminati run this country, they seem like a safe bet"

"What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends ? A witch with a blindfold !"

"My doctor went to write me a prescription for my heart meds. He pulled out a rectal thermometer out of his pocket and said ""Shit, some asshole has my pen!"""

"You young couples with your dogs, your trial children, you'll learn nothing about parenting because you can never teach a toddler to ""sit""."

"According to my current parking spot, I'm Chief of Police."

"I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend Until the LSD wears off and I'm actually dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park"

"No thanks private caller, I don't even answer the phone when I know who it is"

"What did the retarded chef say after watching terminator PASTA LA VISTA HAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *TAKES OFF ALL HIS CLOTHES AND RUBS HIS NIPPLES*"

"What do King Cong and the Archbishop of Canterbury have in common? Both are [primates.] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primate_(bishop))"

"Making jokes on Twitter is a lot like making jokes in real life. Except without the frightened faces of strangers on buses"