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Joke of the Day

"I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend Until the LSD wears off and I'm actually dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park"

"What do you get when you cross an insomniac with an agnostic and a dyslexic? A person who stays up at night, wondering if there's a dog."

"If I drank as little alcohol as I tell my doctor I'd weigh as little as I tell the people at the DMV when I renew my driver's license."

"I noticed you just hit the snooze alarm. MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOWWWWW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW"

"I've always been told I shouldn't assume... Because it makes an ass out of u and me."

"My Obgyn suggested I cut carbs to maintain a healthier pregnancy weight. Frankly, I'd rather cut the Obgyn."

"A joke my 8 year old brother told me. G rating Why dont you take a pokemon to the bathroom. Because it might pi-ka-chu"

"Guys, women can spot another woman at 10 paces and tell you if she's wearing 5"" or 6"" heels. She knows exactly what, 6""+ looks like."

"Jurisprudence fetishist gets off on appeal"

"Two roses What's better than two roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ"