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Joke of the Day

"What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends ? A witch with a blindfold !"

"Remember that scene in Die Hard qhen the hero squeezes the magazine's boobs? Now he can really die hard."

"Why did Dairy Queen get pregnant? Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper."

"mom: Why are your eyes red? Are you high!? [flashback to me cry-singing Taylor Swift's ""Love Story"" in the car on the way over] me: Yes"

"What's the difference between a black dad and a elevator? A elevator can raise a kid"

"If your uncle Jack is stuck on the roof and needs help. Do you help your uncle Jack off?"

"I can't wait for hillary to become president and appoint bernie sanders as her vice president ""I did not have sexual relations with that man"""

"Why did the Moon break up with Earth? The Moon said they were slowly drifting apart."

"cop: ""sir im afraid your dog is too cool for this neighbourhood"" me: [turns his little baseball cap round right way] cop: ""ok that's better"""

"Whenever the Starbucks guy asks for my name I laugh and whisper ""I'm seeing someone"""