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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an Elf that sings? A wrapper! Merry Christmas. I hope you got what you wished for. ( )"

"If I don't introduce you to the person I'm with it's because I don't remember either of your names."

"Confession: the entire time when I was forming the earth, I was using asteroids."

"People who bend down to pick up a thread instead of running over it with the vacuum 37 times, what's it like to exercise?"

"Saw a billboard that said: Don't be distracted by driving and texting. Next one said: Don't be distracted by driving and reading billboards."

"How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer"

"The good news about falling down the stairs is that my Fitbit counted it as a mile walk."

"ME: Jesus Christ, this is the slowest train I've ever travelled on BRIDE: Someone please get this prick off my dress"

"Hey baby, what's your resonance frequency?"

"How do you encourage a potter while he's glazing his bowl? ""Way to go dude, you're kiln it!"""