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Joke of the Day

"*takes a hit off the joint *slowly exhales Ahhhhhh This is the best baked sale ever ""It's a BAKE sale"" *exhales again Tell me about it"

"WIFE: *motions to me that she's choking* ME: *immediately dials 911* 911: what the emergency ME: *handing her the phone* here u talk to them"

"Bob has 50 cookies. He eats 45. What does he have now? Diabetes. Bob has diabetes."

"Why did the blonde throw tic-tacs in her spaghetti? The recipe told her to mints her garlic."

"What is an Eskimos best friend? pol ice"

"I was the principle subject in a lengthy experiment on laziness They told me the results but I couldn't be fucked listening."

"which spice, according to jamaicans, is definitely going to hell? the cinnamon!"

"A ship carrying red paint collided with another that was carrying purple paint Both crews were marooned"

"[mastercard commercial] ""there are some things that money can't buy"" politician: i don't get it"

"Why are octopuses so dangerous? Because they TENTACLE."