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Joke of the Day

"[mastercard commercial] ""there are some things that money can't buy"" politician: i don't get it"

"What kind of key gets shit done? A do key."

"One night stand because my bedroom is narrow."

"I'm thinking about joining a sports team just so I can get my butt slapped."

"Hey dad I'm tired! There's a nap for that. :)"

"What happened to the number 10? It got stuck in 9/11"

"Doctors have discovered that breast cancer may cause amnesia. After all, mastectomy would result in mammary loss."

"Recently developed melanoma on my cheek, so I quickly went to the dermatologist. Turns out I just fell asleep on a chocolate chip."

"""I like my women like i like my eggs...."" Whites only. (or millions of other one-word punchlines, depending on how dark you want to go.) ""Fertilized"" ""Beat"" ""Rotten"" ""xtra-large"""

"*firefighter wraps me in blanket after he rescues me* Um I just came out of a fire so I'm pretty hot actually"