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Joke of the Day

"I've pre-planned my funeral to include a 32 minute montage of the times I've accidentally waved hello to someone waving to someone behind me."

"Whenever I'm on twitter I always turn my phone upside down to try and collect spare change from your pockets."

"Decades have gone by and STILL my parents have not given back the Halloween candy they took from me ""for safe keeping""."

"My friend was being attacked by a duck. I tried to warn him but it only made things worse."

"Do you know what the difference is between a joke and a dick? Girls never laugh at my jokes. :-("

"When going through TSA inspection at the airport, there's no telling how long it will take... ... All belts are off ."

"I saw a homeless guy masturbating on the bus the other day... *Where does he get off!?* -**Hampton Yount**"

"The past, present and future walk into a bar... It was tense."

"What do riding a bike and playing basketball have in common? If you're not careful, you can pop a ball."

"There are three rings that come with every marriage... First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and lastly the suffering."