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Joke of the Day

"Pizza Hut is going gluten free so while you are dying from a heart attack you can atleast not have gas problems"

"What's the difference between a violin and a viola? The viola takes longer to burn."

"If you call & I don't answer, I'm not dead, I'm napping. - Things I have to say to my mom"

"""Flatulence is not an emotion."" -me explaining feelings to boyfriend"

"English, if I ran it: A group of geese is called a ""group"" A group of buffalo is called a ""group"" A group of catfish is called a ""group"""

"A really effective car insurance ad would just show pics of Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes and say: Because these girls have licenses."

"TIFU by switching up by customer's sandwich orders at Subway Opps wrong sub."

"A police man pulled me over and said ""papers"". So I said ""Scissors! I win"" and drove off"

"An atheist, a vegan, and a Cross Fitter walk into a bar I only know because they told everyone in the first 3 minutes."

"Autocorrect changed ""you're so wise"" to ""you're so wide"", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home."