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Joke of the Day
"Why is a miscarriage like a shitty pizza? They're both cold upon delivery."
Next Joke
"[first date] Boy: so where are you from? Me: [points to all you can eat sign] I live here now."
"Goats have it all figured out. All disputes should be settled with an aggressive series of headbutts."
"A recent archeological dig was finished at historic Stratford-upon-Avon They found many typewriters and many, many, more monkey skeletons"
"Dear Pope, Religion and birth control are more compatible than you may think. Every time a condom breaks, someone learns to pray."
"ME: Where are the posters? WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! [In other room] *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*"
"My son played soccer in the mud all day. He was a little Messi."
"A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says ""Five beers, please"""
"What's the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler? Michael Phelps can finish a race."
"I'm trying to give up sexual innuendos, but it's so hard..."