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Joke of the Day

"Wife just shouted to me to get my big chopper out .After the panic subsided, I realised she meant we were out of firewood for the stove."

"Donald Trump Running For President"

"Did you hear about the woman who tried to bribe the police with pennies? She was taken in by the coppers."

"I'm not a racist but. . . I fucking hate marathons."

"If I was a candle... ...and somebody dumped a bucket of water on me, I'd be quite put out."

"Q: How do librarians file melted marshmallows? A: According to the Gooey Decimal System."

"If you see me with a water bottle, there's probably vodka in it"

"A dyslexic walks into a bank and yells: ""Hands in the air motherfuckers! This is a stick up!"" Because he's just dyslexic and can still speak fine"

"Why is divorce so expensive? Because it is worth it.."

"If you really want to stick it to somebody... Use tape."