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Joke of the Day

"Yo momma's so mean she has no standard deviation"

"I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere."

"What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common? They both contain high amounts of trans fats."

"What starts with 'M', ends with 'arriage' and is a man's favorite thing A miscarriage"

"*hands note Boss: *reading* 'Please excuse my son from' Ridiculous! You're working! *thinking* I practiced my Mom's signature for nothing"

"What do you do if life gives you melons? You're dyslexic."

"Why did the star go to the bathroom? Because it had to Twinkle."

"Stages of Candle Burning 1: this smells nice 2: still smells nice 3: this is all I can smell now 4: this is the only scent I have ever known"

"If you jingle my bells, I will promise you a white Christmas."

"Breaking up on Twitter: It's not @you it's @me."