207494

Joke of the Day

"*hands note Boss: *reading* 'Please excuse my son from' Ridiculous! You're working! *thinking* I practiced my Mom's signature for nothing"

"Naming my daughter ""A Relationship"" so I don't have to worry about punks wanting to be in her."

"Cannibal and Girlfriend What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wipe his ass."

"Did you hear the director planned to film two sequels simultaneously for the Michael J Fox 1980's time travel comedy? He planned to make back-to-back back to the 'Back to the Future' future features!"

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A Fsh"

"What is the difference between a rectal thermometer and a regular thermometer? The taste."

"Never propose to a girl who is a professional fighter. If the engagement is canceled, she isn't leaving the ring."

"What is the Catholic Church giving up for Lent? Answer: The Pope!"

"I don't need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands. :/"

"A corgi walks into a bar Bartender: what can I ge... Corgi: I'll have a jack and coke Bartender: why the short paws?"