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Joke of the Day

"My Jewish friend told me about Krav Maga.... To which I replied ""is that some sort of a legal term?"""

"Was at the zoo and witnessed a monkey going to the bathroom. That shit was bananas."

"In INTERSTELLAR, why does Tom's voice get higher when he's older? Answer: thedust"

"Did you hear the shocking news about Yahoo this morning? Apparently they still have 500 million users."

"If you like to spoon, you'll love to spatula. That's where I flip you over to make certain you're done properly on both sides."

"I need shocking, offensive, and disgusting jokes. I'm going back to school in a few days, so I need some fucked up jokes. Reddit Community give me your best."

"Doctor doctor I feel so short! No problem. Hop up on the couch."

"bad ""it's so hot...."" one-liners Two that I came up with... It's so hot that Stryper sang ""To Today With the Devil"" It's so hot that Karen Carpenter ate an ice cream sandwich. your turn!"

"1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively"

"My kid missed the school bus, instantly resulting in drama & tears. But now that I've had a few cocktails, I'm OK."