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Joke of the Day

"What ""c word"" describes my girlfriend and why I'm not getting any? Carpaltunnel"

"A dad asks 4-year-old son: ""How'd you sleep last night?"" Son says: ""umm... With my eyes closed?"" Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl."

"What did Admiral Ackbar say when he saw someone unfolding a 10'x15' sheet of canvas? IT'S A TARP!!!"

"""My god, it's the zombie apocalypse. Everyone grab the most critical items and get ready to run"" *me holding a Shrek 2 DVD* Way ahead of you"

"Beware: Butterball Turkeys Recalled !! The factory forgot to butter their balls."

"I'm really good in bed.....I stay on my side and rarely steal all the covers."

"Why do anarchists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft!"

"New fast food chain in Germany Apparently is called ""In-and-Auschwitz Burgers."" The slogan is ""Bacon isn't the only thing cookin in the oven!"""

"Breaking up with Asians is so hard. You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message."

"What do you call 20 lesbians in a tree? A Country"