140936

Joke of the Day

"Wanna hear a bird joke?! I don't have one... This is hawkward."

"How do blind skydivers know when to pull the cord? ..The leash goes slack"

"How come the NSA whistleblower can't leave Russia? Because he is snowed in."

"Someone needs to break it to my cat that she is not a security guard and my bathroom is not a VIP section."

"I used to be indecisive. But now I'm not so sure."

"My daughter just said, ""Daddy, you're good looking & not fat like other dads."" She's only 10, but we're headed to the BMW dealership now."

"Hendrix didn't need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD."

"TIL there's a subreddit dedicated to all the times an OP doesn't deliver Link in the comments"

"Japanese Joke Why gay men don't masturbate? No interest in women. Better in Japanese"

"Cop: ""You been drinkin?"" Me: I'm going to dinner w/my wife's mom & 94yo granny ""You're free to go.."" Come on dude. Can't you just arrest me?"