182067

Joke of the Day

"In a new study women with large asses live longer.........the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives"

"The stock market is astrology for people who think they're too good for astrology."

"What's the difference between the US and Russian Presidents? US presidents get shot while Russian presidents take shots."

"The last US election had a candidate called Mitt, a devout Catholic and a candidate called Newt, a serial adulterer. One was against same sex marriage and the other was against same marriage sex."

"Sometimes I run across a room really fast so a spider sees me out of the corner of its eye and spends the evening worrying where I've gone."

"Bartender says,""We don't serve time travelers here."" A time traveler walks into the bar."

"Q: Why is a dog's nose in the middle of it's face? - A: Because it's the scenter."

"*into earpiece during date* Ok now maintain eye contact No not that kind of contact Bro do not touch her eyes Get your eye away from hers"

"Where do they send female terrorists? Guantanamo Bae."