182051

Joke of the Day

"Today a three-year-old child who I've never met before told me to shut up, and I wasn't even talking."

"What's your favorite game if you wear a turban? Hide-and-Sikh"

"I'm disappointed to see that a lot of women are using ""period tracker apps"" now, instead of the shared Google spreadsheet I set up."

"As a CBT enthusiast I asked to see a dominatrix but she said she was too busy She put me on the grating list"

"I noticed that you're still staring at me after I already answered your question, what can we do to stop this"

"sorry I didn't answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth"

"If you think your life is awful my mom keeps track of my ""cycle"" and just told me that I'm ovulating and that I should mingle more."

"Birds do it/Bees do it/Even educated fleas do it/Let's do it/Let's make people super nervous anytime we're in their personal space"

"My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!"

"But I love food, why would it want to poison me? :("