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Joke of the Day

"Stranger with a black eye is trying to talk to me. But I'm not going to respond cause it's pretty apparent she doesn't listen."

"Why do I tell jokes in elevators? Because they're funny on many levels."

"A very old joke: why is the letter r so important? Because without it, our friends would be fiends."

"I'd watch Pimp My Ride: One Year Later, a show about people coming to terms with maintaining a fish tank and waffle-maker in a Ford Fiesta."

"What do landfills and hookers have in common? Uncovered loads cost double"

"I don't mind being back on my meds... I just think it's sad that at the same time all the dogs in the neighbourhood stopped talking to me."

"Coworker: I need someone in the backfill position Brain: Do. Not. Say. Anything. Me: um hopefully you fill the gap soon Brain: oh dear"

"You know what they say about tapirs?... They're nosey pigs."

"Fact: If you sneak away to fart loudly in private and get caught by some innocent person walking by, you have to now hate that person."

"If you're wearing sunglasses & it's not at all sunny out, you can't get offended when I grab your arm to guide you safely across the street."