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Joke of the Day

"ME: Too much turkey makes me so tired HER: Actually, it makes you sleepy, not tired ME: I'm getting real sleepy of your shit, Debra"

"*puts on satin, full length pajamas for men, slips into bed* yes... time to text some girls the word 'hey' and only the word 'hey'"

"In Heaven, the angels asked God where he would spend his next vacation. Definitely not earth, God said. Last time I went there, I got a girl pregnant and they still haven't stopped taking about it."

"Apparently, ""Dude, that's the best she's EVER going to look"" was not the type of objection to the marriage the priest was asking about."

"What's Kylo Ren's Favorite Order of Chemical Reaction? A first order reaction"

"Here's a joke for all you psychics out there..."

"This idiot from Apple reckons that the ""Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down"" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies"

"Just got home from the doctor, apparently I have a couple of kidney stones... It should be okay though, he told me that *these two shall pass.*"

"How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? One will see you later and one will see you in a while."

"Whales in a bar Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says, ""OUUHHHHWAHHHHHHH OUHHHHHHH AHHHH"" and the second one replies, ""Shut up Steve, you're drunk!"""