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Joke of the Day
"I mean, I'm smart, but I'm no Alfred Einstein."
Next Joke
"Yelling at a dog... Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work. The dog just probably thinks, 'Awesome, now we are both barking!'"
"Brokeback Mountain pretty much ruined camping as a male bonding activity for straight guys."
"Him: drink? Me: I have a boyfriend Him: I have a goldfish Me: What??? Him: I thought we were talking about shit that don't matter"
"Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares."
"My wife and I decided not to have children. The kids are taking it pretty hard."
"Friends are like snowflakes. If you pee on them they disappear."
"Is life fair? Short answer: No. Long answer: Noooooooooooooooooooo."
"What do you call Mike Tyson on drugs? Methed up"
"Never Never Never tell someone you are patient. They will test you..."