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Joke of the Day

"How do you cut a turd into 5 pieces? Squish it in your hand."

"Does anyone know what happened to Operation Baby? Last i heard, they had to abort."

"Why were the melons upset when they were denied a marriage license? Because it means they *cantaloupe*"

"Nobody deserves to look that peaceful sleeping. SLAP."

"I don't know what to do when someone yells stop Is it hammer time? Is it in the name of love? Do I collaborate and listen?"

"Why is it so difficult to convict a redneck? Because they all have the same DNA and no dental records."

"I can't decide which room not to clean first."

"I love hillary Clinton so much. It makes me weak at the knees."

"How many seconds are there in a day in Africa? Seconds? They barely get firsts!"

"If I was moments away from my death I would ask someone for a 5-hour Energy drink."