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Joke of the Day

"the year is 2017: every kfc location has a large shower room installed inside the building to wash away the customers greasy post-meal shame"

"I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu."

"A coworker just asked if I had any ""mouth water"" and I am thoroughly confused by this"

"[dinner party] *host clinks glass* ""Everyone we're having a baby""! *whispers to other guest* ""Oh come on! I told them I was a vegetarian."""

"Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest? Because it would be economically unviable to market a pharmaceutical in such a vastly unpopulated area."

"I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I should have used aloha setting."

"How long does it take Han Solo to screw in a light bulb? less than twelve parsecs."

"Friend: Dow dropped 45 points yesterday. Me: I don't follow basketball."

"I hate when I read something so offensive on Twitter that my monocle falls out of my eye and into my brandy snifter."

"I thought about getting a brain transplant But then i changed my mind"