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Joke of the Day

"I just danced like no Juan was watching, but he totally was and he cut off the tequila then threw me out of his restaurant you guys."

"How my dad taught me how to button my suit coats. He said *""Think of it like a woman; sometimes the top, always the middle, but never the bottom.""*"

"A tourist tried to visit a nudist beach only to discover it was blocked off. He asked the local lisping lifeguard of the beach, ""You open?"" The lifeguard responded, ""Sorry, we're clothed."""

"English ships start with HMS, United states with USS... what about Italian ships? AMB. It's stands for, 'Atsa Ma Boat!'"

"Duck. A duck walks into a bar. The barman asks ""What will it be?"" The duck doesn't answer because he's a duck."

"shit. the number the girl at the Sprint store gave me is MY number"

"A ham sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a cold one. The bartender replies, ""We don't serve food here""."

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotapuss"

"Need the best Hillary I need the best Hillary Clinton joke there is. The worst the better. I need to tell my history teacher. Shes a Hillary supporter. Dirtier the better"

"So what do you pack for the end of the world? I'm thinking lots of toilet paper, oh and guns to protect my toilet paper."