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Joke of the Day

"[In line at Starbucks] [Woman behind me talking] I work in an office with 50% men so- [Excitedly turn around] OMG YOU WORK WITH CENTAURS"

"Life and beer are very similar........chill for best results."

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the S'mores of Pop-Tarts, it was the Unfrosted Strawberry of Pop-Tarts."

"What does a Christmas tree and a monk have in common? They both have ornamental balls"

"What do you call a rooster who is okay with his wife screwing other cocks? A cluckold."

"Heard about the seafood diet? You see food and you eat it."

"What do we say to Boris Johnson and Donald Trump running the world? Hair Hair!"

"An entire generation does not know what the hell is happening when a movie pans over to a wall calendar and the pages magically fly away."

"My wife found out I was cheating... ... after she found the letters I was hiding. She got real mad and said that she'd never play Scrabble with me ever again."

"What does a mathematician do when he's constipated? He works it out with a pencil."