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Joke of the Day

"TWITTER REHAB IS GOING GOOD YOU GUYS I GOT A NEW FRIEND HE HAS SPECIAL SUGAR AND IT'S AWESOME AND MY YARD HAS 3,957,268 BLADES OF GRASS!!!!"

"What happens when you accidently add an extra p to tp? Banned from /r/news"

"Why did the stoner put laxatives in the pot brownies? For shits and giggles"

"What separates animals from humans? The Mediterranean."

"What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka? Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut."

"The difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job? one is a crusty bus station."

"I like my coffee like I like my ships. Full of semen."

"How long does an owl live? Six and a half books."

"Can I get an amen? AMEN! Can I get a b-men? BMEN! Can I get a c-men? CME--*the whole church laughs*"

"(I get an amber alert for a missing child) OK its my time to shine (I get in my car and back out without looking and instantly hit the kid)"