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Joke of the Day

"The difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job? one is a crusty bus station."

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"Don't model myself after Marilyn Monroe, but having imperfections & dying naked in bed clutching bottles of pills & champagne seems doable."
"I get it short people, I get it. Oooops sorry typo, I'll get it short people, I'll get it."
"What do parrots eat ? Polyfilla !"
"My company uses salt water to solve any problem. We are called Saline Solutions."
"Q: Why doesn't the dinosaur cross the road anymore? A: Because their eggs stink. (They're extinct)"
"Q: Why was the musician arrested? A: He got in treble."
"911: what's your emergency? me: what's YOUR emergency? 911: *starts crying* omg no one's ever asked me that before! me: jk I've been stabbed"
"If I had a dollar for everytime I heard someone sing a Macklemore song out loud... ...I would have 20 dollars in my pocket"
"My grandfather was a boxer in the British Army. Which was completely unfair because the enemy had rifles."