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Joke of the Day
"Well well well, if isn't the girl who gave me cooties in third grade..."
Next Joke
"Why did the blind man become Hitler? Because he could **Nazi.** *(disclaimer may have to read aloud for joke to occur, if laughing occurs for more than 4 seconds please contact your doctor)*"
"Conspiracy theorists, I hope you're right... I hope the illuminati run this country, they seem like a safe bet"
"Baseball is my favorite sport, because you can play it on a professional level with food in your mouth."
"Woman: Please send an ambulance, I'm having contradictions!! Operator: Ma'am, do you mean 'contractions'? Woman: Yes! No!"
"I'm wearing a shower curtain over my head and pretending to be a ghost. I probably look legit because everybody on this bus is avoiding me."
"If you are farther than me in candy crush I will automatically think you are smarter than me."
"I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave."
"I'm trying to become a vegetarian so from now I'm only eating seafood. Like lobster, prawns and drowned cows."
"Why do women have legs? So they don't leave a trail like a slug."