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Joke of the Day

"How many potatoe does it take to kill a Latvian? none (inspired by /u/aces613 )"

"Show me a man who calls himself a vegan and I'll show you a man who's trying to sleep with a vegan."

"DATE TIP: Hold doors. Pull the chair out for your date. Burp your date. Change your date oh god you are on a date with a baby ok stay cool"

"You know what's a cool job?: Mirror inspector I could really see my self doing it."

"Why doesn't that NSA informant just come back to USA? Because he's snowed in."

"I was hoping to be friends with benefits.. because my health insurance sucks!"

"My kid throwing her toast out the car window was more badass than anything I've done in the last 10 years."

"At Walgreens I asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around and looked them in the eyes and said, ""Make it 52""."

"I don't understand why ISIS is such a big deal. All we have to do is parachute in Chuck Norris, and within a month they will all be dead... It can't be done faster since he fights with his bare hands."

"If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes."