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Joke of the Day

"Please scan your first please place the item in please scan your rewards please slide your card in thank you for shopping with us"

"My sister is a mathematician... She celebrates 4/20 on January fifth because it's just simpler that way."

"They tried me make to go to rehab and I said what is rehab hombre I speak Spanish *huffs a lot paint*"

"I love telling dead baby jokes... They just never get old!"

"My Girlfriend is quite the fox... She eats out of the garbage at night."

"What did Obi-wan say to Skywalker the first time he saw him as Darth Vader? (snickering) Nice suit, must have cost you an ..."

"Doctor: I'm sorry son, it appears you have... Jenga-itis Me: [trying to pull the doctor's shoes off without him falling over] is it bad?"

"Co-worker: My husband & I are praying for a baby. Me: You know that's not how you get 1, right? You gotta have sex. What does HR want now?"

"A man comes into a bar... Wait, it was a horse. A man comes into a horse."

"""Good thing I guessed that today was probably a BYOB situation."" -me, chaperoning the kindergarten field trip"