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Joke of the Day

"BEARD PROGRESSION: 1. Clean shaven babyface. 2. Cool stubble. 3. Rugged. 4. Homeless man. 5. Psycho killer. 6. Religious nutjob. 7. Wizard."

"Why didn't the blind man want a seeing eye dog? He wasnt about to take directions from some bitch"

"What's the difference between my GoPro and my girlfriend? I wouldn't spend hours looking for my girlfriend at a ski resort if I lost her on the mountain."

"Wife: ""Take me to bed or lose me forever."" Husband: *Thinks about it for 45 minutes*"

"Why do people ask ""what the hell were you thinking""? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it"

"Parallel lines have so much in common... It's a shame that they'll never meet."

"Still waiting for mine to mature into adultneys."

"An 11-year-old student of mine just told me this. What do you call a singing computer? Adele."

"Q: What is hard six inches long has two nuts and can make a girl fat? A: Almond Joy candy bar"

"Why, yes, I am dressed for the weather. I am wearing a house."