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Joke of the Day

"My 6yo's homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep that teacher knows about DUIs alright!"

"Black children never know the joy of finding their name in a personalized keychain display."

"Kissing is weird as hell. ""Um I really like you so I'm going to taste the inside of your face for a little while."""

"The man entered his home and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone has stolen every lamp in his house."

"So he says "" Nice glasses"" and I say "" Thanks! They're for seeing "" *slaps knee*"

"Me: My leg always feels like my phone is vibrating. WebMD: Phone Cancer"

"What does a Mon Calamari terrorist say? Allahu Ackbar!"

"Just thought of one: Why is an abortionist good to have on your team? If you conceive something, they can execute it."

"There are two key principles in life One of them is not saying everything you know"

"What does batman get in his drinks? Just Ice"