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Joke of the Day

"Anyone else hear the new Whitney Houston song they just released? No? Well it's very underground right now."

"I know the **BEST** way to get someone interested in something. Actually, never mind, maybe I shouldn't tell you."

"My teen sent my call directly to voicemail on the phone she used to have."

"Women just want to make us better men, not drain our life essence. And sharks are just trying to kiss us but their teeth get in the way."

"While having dinner, the dad scolded at his son: ""If you continue talking about crap during the meal, I'll slap the shit out of you"""

"""If life hands me lemons I'll be an Arnold Palmer."" - Ice T"

"What do you call a sad asparagus? Despairagus =/"

"[waking up as an adult] What a beautiful day. I wonder what parts of my body will hurt today"

"What do pennies and fat chicks have in common? Unless you're broke and desperate, they're not worth picking up."

"I have a joke about couches But it's sofa-cking terrible. You don't want to hear it."