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Joke of the Day

"Coworker who supports Trump: Big weekend plans? Me: Huge. My weekend plans are so big you won't believe it. No one has bigger weekend plans."

"My 40 yard dash time: 5.5 My 40 yard dash time after seeing my gf with my phone in her hands: 4.3"

"What did the Dalai Llama play on stage at Glastonbury? Yakmanninov"

"So a Mormon walks into a bar.."

"Why is the symbols row of my keyboard swearing at me"

"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory... All I did was take a day off."

"At this point, the most shocking outfit Lady Gaga could wear is a t-shirt and jeans."

"What is Hitler's least favorite month? Jew-ly EDIT: how about jan-jew-ary, or jewne?"

"The difference between sex and pumpkin carving? In pumpkin carving, one is trying to get all of the seeds out."

"I remember when I was a kid... ... I was only about 10 years old and my grandmother took me out for a wonderful seafood meal. I'll never forget it. A great mussell memory."