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Joke of the Day

"Whenever people say ""don't judge me"" I like to imagine them in the weird wigs British judges wear. *whispers* Judged you."

"How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese? Caerphilly."

"[Man in restaurant] I'll have that lobster please. *points to aquarium containing lobster putting finishing touches to his octopus disguise*"

"They say it's amazing what we can achieve if we all put our heads together But if I could put my heads together, I'd never leave my room"

"How do I know you're not a cop? ""If I was a cop, how would I have this?"" *shows police badge that just says 'Not a Cop' on it* Oh, okay good"

"A poster with a mugshot saying ""Have you seen this man"" So I rang up and said No. You have to do your bit for society ."

"This cop is driving so fast it's like he's trying to keep up with me"

"Been throwing away this piece of tape for the last 17 hours"

"Why do Scotsmen wear kilts. Cause a sheep can hear a zipper a mile away."

"Yo momma so fat She has a hard time breathing and walking because of her obesity."