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Joke of the Day

"I hate being that creepy guy outside your window, but damn girl it's 7:30 already. You're gonna be late for work."

"Hangman is a weird game to let kids play. Hey kid, if you don't think of this word, a random man will be put to death."

"Ugh I hate fake fans. Everybody here is standing up & singing along to his big hit, but probably cant name 3 other Francis Scott Key songs."

"What do North Korea and my girlfriend have in common? Neither want me coming inside them."

"My funeral instructions to my family were to have me cremated, and I told my best friends under no circumstances should I be cremated."

"Why is there so little Puerto Rican literature? Because the spray paint can wasn't invented until 1949."

"The fact that Americans eat cookie dough and cake batter shows that we can't even wait until it's done cooking anymore."

"What concert can you go to for 45 cents? 50 Cent ft. Nickelback"

"How are anal sex and spinach the same? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you're going to hate it as an adult."

"Mom: Wear your jeans! There are too many mosquitoes outside. Feminist daughter: Don't teach me what not to wear. Teach the mosquitoes how not to bite."