181011

Joke of the Day

"Got CPR and CCR confused. Ended up playing ""Fortunate Son"" on my boombox while watching a man die."

"I told my doctor that i broke my arm in two places He told me to stop going to those places"

"I have on my new shoes today. They are so cute, and comfortable, as long as I don't stand in them or walk in them."

"[7:30pm] Tonight I'll actually go to bed on time and get sleep! [2:30am] the most money ever paid for a cow at an auction was $1.3 million"

"Mickey Mouse goes to divorce court to divorce Minnie... The Judge says ""so you want to Divorce your wife because she's crazy?"" Mickey replies ""No, what I said was She's F&#@ing Goofy."""

"Picking up this tiny piece of paper would take 1 second, but instead I am going to run over 100 times with the vacuum at different angles."

"A black man and a feather fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The feather. The black man is stopped by the rope."

"A man and a Giraffe walk into a bar. The Giraffe gets drunk and falls on the floor unconscious. The bartender says ""you can't leave that lyin' there."" The man says ""its not a Lion, its a Giraffe"""

"Look UPS guy, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to have pants on."

"Air & Sex - Joke Q: Why is air a lot like sex? A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any."