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Joke of the Day

"[7:30pm] Tonight I'll actually go to bed on time and get sleep! [2:30am] the most money ever paid for a cow at an auction was $1.3 million"

"I left work in slow motion but it didn't blow up behind me. This is bullshit."

"I'm absolutely incredible in bed. In fact, yesterday I slept 15 hours."

"What do you call it when one musician abuses another? An act of violins."

"Daddy Bear -""Someones been sleeping in my bed."" Mummy Bear -""Wouldn't be the first time."" Daddy Bear -""It's been 3 years Sue, let it go."""

"FOX new has saved my legs! I got into a terridle car crash and and lost the use of my legs. When I was in the hospital, FOX news came on the TV. I got up to change the channel."

"Nothing shows the depressing reality of physical aging more than a boy band reunion."

"What do you call a group of scientologist almonds? Nuts."

"A man's wife asks him: ""Have you ever considered having a threesome with me for a change?"" ""To be honest, having twosomes with you would be already be a change"""

"*replaces cream in doughnuts with mayo, tries not to laugh as Frank from accounting eats one...watches, waits, frowns as Frank goes for 2nd"