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Joke of the Day

"You know what's grosser than gross? Running through a field of dead babies and getting your toe stuck in an eye socket."

"Jersey Shore was doomed the moment they named it after Pauly Shore."

"Relationships are harder now because conversations become texting, arguments become phone calls, and feelings become status updates"

"What's the best part of a pregnancy joke? The delivery."

"My Grandma said I have the voice for the radio... And the face for it too."

"What's the difference between heroin and foot long dicks? Your mom isn't addicted to heroin."

"""She is not fine."" ~Sun Tzu"

"If I don't make some serious changes to my life, they'll never let me into the gates of heaven. So who can teach me how to pick a lock?"

"How many recruits does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to change the lightbulb and four road guards."

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: You love me? Cop: Me: Cop: Me: Is it because I'm driving a lawnmower? Cop: Yes. Me: *floors it*"