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Joke of the Day

"Relationships are harder now because conversations become texting, arguments become phone calls, and feelings become status updates"

"Screw you, Burger King, if you really wanted me to have it ""MY way"" you'd have added alcohol to your menu."

"I'm getting a restraining order against my debt collectors. As much as they call me it's really just starting to come across as desperate"

"I recently had sex with a biologist at her laboratory. I don't like to brag, but she had multiple organisms."

"Every dog, in a previous life, has been murdered by a shoe."

"What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out."

"I was attacked by tiny bees.... The experience was belittling."

"How do you make a cat go ""Woof!""? Soak it in petrol and put a match to it. (This is a joke, not and instruction, Reddit)"

"A black man, a Mexican, a Muslim and a hillbilly are all playing Russian Roulette together. Who is guaranteed to win? Society."

"Why do mermaids wear seashells? *wait for it* Because they grew out of their B-shells!"