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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: You love me? Cop: Me: Cop: Me: Is it because I'm driving a lawnmower? Cop: Yes. Me: *floors it*"

"What goes cackle cackle boom? A witch in a minefield."

"[girl's night out] WIFE: I'm off then ME: Okay WIFE: Don't do anything obtuse ME: Pfft - give me a break! {5 min later} ME *googling obtuse*"

"[funeral] Her: why is my dead grandfather wearing a diamond ring? *sliding it off his finger* Me: *gets down on one knee* because babe..."

"Where do lightning bolts go on dates? -To cloud 9"

"What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? ""Hold onto your nuts boy, this ain't no ordinary blow job!"""

"What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes? Shut up."

"The scariest thing about being a doctor is if you ever, even once, accidentally call it a ""cooter"" you're fired for life."

"Charlotte's Web is a horrible lie. If you hear a spider talking, let someone know bc you either have a concussion or that spider is a demon."

"What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gag"