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Joke of the Day

"I've only seen ""Babe"" once, but I've said ""That'll do, pig"" 1000 times. My wife hates me."

"A pelican just flew away with my sandwich. Rigged! The media!"

"What's the difference between a gay mustache and a straight mustache? The smell."

"My girlfriend is so crazy she even traced down the girl who once kissed me in kindergarten."

"Had sex in a kiddie pool full of jam once. *pops jean jacket collar* I got marmalaid."

"Hear about the guy that built a car out of a bank vault? He wanted to be a safe driver."

"[emergency room] DOCTOR: Point to what's causing you the most pain ME: I can't, they're at home playing xbox"

"Why was Lisa not able to ride a bike? She was a cat."

"What do politicians do for fun? Rave at the party."

"Can somebody explain to me why we still use coins? Really, it doesn't make cents."