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Joke of the Day

"Mom: can i borrow your laptop? Me: *deletes history* Me: *logs out of twitter* Me: *closes chrome* Me: *opens internet explorer* Me: sure"

"Why do high school girls always travel in odd numbers? Because they can't evennn..."

"My drug dealer sold me some shoes the other day... ...I dont know what he laced them with but Ive been tripping all day."

"A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks, ""May I help you with your luggage?"" The photon responds, ""No thank you. I'm traveling light."""

"Everyone is entitled to my opinion."

"Everyone on the planet is chasing imaginary monsters with their phone But when I do it I need to ""grow up"" and ""quit looking for Bigfoot."""

"The best way to prevent the next generation from stealing your lunch... Is to not show them where your lunch is. Because you forgot where you left your lunch."

"How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb One... but the lightbulb has to want to change."

"Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25"

"I knew this neighborhood was classy enough for me when I saw there is a ""Pregnant Only"" parking spot in front of the Liquor store."