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Joke of the Day

"Based on how poorly this burrito was wrapped, I assume it was made by the one person at Taco Bell that has never rolled a blunt."

"What do women share in common with a condoms? They spend more time in your wallet than on your cock."

"What would the blind man say every morning when he walked past the fish market? ""Good morning, ladies!"""

"Put a load into the dryer and had to twist every dial to correct setting. I won't lie to you: it made me feel like a Space Captain"

"I stayed up all night wondering where the sun was. Then it dawned on me."

"Let's make it weird. Dont worry. I'll start."

"""We're still looking for a side project"" Tornado: *raises hand* we could flip houses ""We've been over this, it's not what you think it is"""

"My house is like an Indiana Jones movie. Partly because I walk around with a bullwhip, but mostly because of all the cobwebs."

"What do you get when toss a hand grenade into a French kitchen? Linoleum blownapart."

"I finally got around to getting a vasectomy the other day... but there hasn't been a vas deferens in my sex life since then."